


The New Model

by GeekChick1013



Category: Alles was zählt
Genre: Angst, Cheese, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-13
Updated: 2010-10-13
Packaged: 2017-11-19 20:22:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/577277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekChick1013/pseuds/GeekChick1013
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started with the new Male Function model...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The New Model

It all started with the new Male Function model.

Deniz barely spared the contract a second thought when it crossed his desk… When he’d turned his back on modeling, he’d done so with no regrets. Between his internship at the Centre, hockey practice, and spending as much time as possible with Roman, he had energy for little else. So when he saw the paperwork for the new model to replace him in the contract between Male Function and the Steinkamp Centre, he paused for only a second before stamping it with old man Steinkamp’s signature and putting it in his “out” tray.

The first photo shoot was less than a week later. Deniz had made most of the arrangements himself, and then nearly forgotten about it. They were almost half finished before he emerged from the elevator on some errand and noticed the familiar strobe of the camera flash over by the pool. Intrigued in spite of himself, he wandered over and watched, leaning comfortably against the wall.

He expected to feel a rush of nostalgia or regret. Instead there was just a sort of vague amusement tinged with relief. He had loved modeling, there was no doubt about that; but sometimes he’d hated it too. In the end the love wasn’t enough to keep him interested. He was glad he’d gotten out.

There were a few observers scattered along the side of the pool, as there had always been with his shoots. Mostly Centre employees glad for a distraction from their regular duties. Through the glass looking into the weight room, Deniz caught sight of Roman and smiled as he felt the old familiar twinge in his stomach, the same one he felt every time he saw Roman. After a moment of watching his boyfriend, though, his smile faded. Roman was watching the new Male Function model with an intensity that stifled the lovely twinge and made it curl and turn sour. It was an expression that seemed all-too familiar to Deniz, one he thought he remembered seeing on Roman’s face before, with Marc...

Deniz scoffed quietly to himself and turned away from the shoot – from Roman. He shook his head, trying to bring himself back to what he’d been doing before this unpleasant distraction. He looked down at the papers in his hands, meant for Constanze’s files, and saw how crumpled they were. He’d squeezed them convulsively, while watching Roman. He tried to smooth them out a bit, but it was useless. If he gave them to Constanze like this, she’d turn that sixth sense on him and know that something was wrong… and god knows what kind of rumors would be circulating by the end of the day. There was nothing for it; he’d have to print them again. With a sigh he turned back to the elevator and punched the button to summon it.

***

_He was just watching._

_I know that look. I’ve SEEN that look. He wasn’t just watching. He was… imagining._

_So what? The new Male Function model was prancing around the pool, of course he was imagining. So was everyone in that room._

_No. What Roman was doing, that was no different than before. He wants that guy, and it’s going to happen again-_

Deniz was snapped out of his thoughts by a full body check. He was thrown off his skates and to the ice in a heap of uniform and limbs and padding. For a moment he was so stunned he couldn’t move.

Be-helmeted heads began to appear in his view. The last was capped only by a strawberry blond bouffant. “Deniz.” Ingo’s voice sounded too far away, causing Deniz a second of alarm until he remembered the slight muffling effect of his helmet. “Deniz, how many fingers am I holding up?” Ingo was flipping him the bird.

With a scowl, Deniz held his arms up and got his skates under him again. Florian was one of the players who helped him back up. “Would you mind imagining my brother naked _after_ practice? I’d like you to not completely suck tomorrow.”

The scowl deepened. “Yeah, sorry.”

But just then Ingo’s whistle cut through the air of the rink. “I think Deniz had the right idea, ladies. Hit the showers, go home, rest up. I want you fresh as spring daisies for the game tomorrow. Make sure to eat a good meal tonight.” He winked at Deniz. “Plenty of protein, yeah?”

If Deniz’s scowl got any more pronounced, his face would never recover. He followed the rest of the guys off the ice, pausing to let Frank go through first. Down in the locker room he waited his turn for the shower, his eyes drawn inexorably to Roman’s locker. Again and again he saw Roman’s face as it had been earlier in the day, watching the model; thoughtful, hungry, eager…

The hot water steaming from the shower relaxed him, washing away thought along with sweat. He stayed longer than he really needed to, letting the rest of the team roil out on a cloud of testosterone without him. Florian was the last to leave, shouting a warning over his shoulder, something about not drowning. For a moment, all was silent but the rush and drip of water.

He thought of all the times he’d been in this shower with Roman; countless times after skating practice, both of them usually too exhausted to do anything but wash, showering together only because they were so used to sharing the same space; less frequently they’d tumbled into the stall in a breathless tangle of limbs and lips, not a thought spared for whether they’d even remembered to lock the door; occasionally there were encounters tainted by pain or sorrow or even rage as they were drawn together by the unequivocal connection that had linked them for so long.

One memory in particular swam to the surface, one that had happened not so long ago, after he’d returned from a modeling assignment in New York; at the time he’d been in denial about what was happening in his absence. On the surface he’d believed Roman’s heightened emotional state had been a result of seeing his homophobic father again after so many years; he’d later learned and accepted the truth of it… Roman was feeling guilty because by then, he’d already begun sleeping with Marc.

Once again his thoughts were interrupted, but this time by a loud noise: a locker slamming shut. Deniz hadn’t heard anyone enter over the running water. He thought of ignoring whoever it was, but something made him peek out around the shower curtain.

Roman.

His stomach did a lazy flip-flop. His mind was still full of thoughts about those dark days summed up by one hated word: _Marc._ In the time since he’d taken Roman back, he’d made a habit of pushing these thoughts down and away. It seemed pointless to bring it all back up now that he and Roman were happy again. But now the thoughts returned like a black wave, freezing him in place at the sight of his own boyfriend, his beloved Bunny. All because of, what, one admiring look in the direction of another man? How ridiculous was that? If he expected Roman to never look at another man as long as they were together, he was going to spend a lot of time sorely disappointed.

The dark bubble of his thoughts seemed to burst at this, freeing his tongue as Roman zipped up his jacket absently and moved towards the door. “Hey,” Deniz said, loud enough to be heard over the shower. Roman turned with his usual suddenness, seeming to move almost before Deniz had spoken. His face was surprised, then immediately melted into a smile.

“Deniz! I thought I missed you.” He dropped his bag on the bench and walked to the shower, grabbing the side of the stall and going up on his tiptoes to plant a dry kiss on Deniz’s mouth. “Are you almost done? I was thinking we could order pizza…”

Deniz interrupted him by grabbing his neck and pulling him in for a deeper kiss. Roman hesitated, then responded for a moment before pulling back with a laugh. “The Centre is closing in ten minutes, we’ll get locked in.”

The only response was Deniz grabbing his hand and pulling him closer, nearly into the shower itself. He tried to squirm away, giggling now. “Deniz, stop, I’m going to get soaked…”

Ignoring his protests, Deniz succeeded in dragging Roman under the water, where he flattened him against the wall of the shower. Roman, seemingly resigned to his soggy clothes and the possibility of being trapped, gave up his protests and responded to Deniz’s increasingly frantic kisses.

Deniz knew this was a bad idea. He knew he was in the wrong place mentally to be making love to Roman. He also knew that he couldn’t stop, that he was suddenly more scared than he’d been since he’d walked into their flat and found Roman snogging his ex against the kitchen sink.

He pulled at the zipper of Roman’s jacket, wanting the material between them gone. Their mouths remained together as they both fumbled with Roman’s increasingly wet clothes, their tongues occasionally darting in and out, teeth clashing; but mostly they just stayed latched to one another’s lips, the pressure wavering, increasing and decreasing as they moved in and out of sync. The jacket was off and thrown out of the shower stall even as his shoes were kicked off. Still too many clothes, not enough skin. Deniz pulled at Roman’s soaking shirt, working it up and over his head to drop it with a wet _thwap_ on the floor of the shower. Still kissing, kissing. Next the belt, unhooked to allow access to the opening of his jeans. They slid to the floor as Roman’s hands came up to Deniz’s chest and Deniz snaked his arms around Roman’s bare waist. Deniz lifted him off his feet and the pants plopped gracelessly to the floor. Still holding Roman off the ground, Deniz swept the offending clothes out of the stall with one foot before setting him back down and pushing him into the wall beneath the shower head.

He stepped back and looked at Roman now he was properly naked. His body was only a little softer now that he was the trainer instead of the skater; he still worked out habitually and it showed in the wiry muscles running the length of his arms and legs, in the definition of his chest and stomach. In the short moments they’d been tussling he had become erect, a sight that never failed to short-circuit Deniz’s brain. Roman watched Deniz with eyes that seemed to be all pupil as he knelt down in front of Roman and took him into his mouth.

Deniz relished every groan, every writhing movement as he alternated sucking and licking, doing it just the way he knew Roman liked. Each twitch and shudder pushed another dark thought down and away, each moan like a reassurance that this was all that mattered, this thing they created between them whether kissing or laughing or making love. He relinquished Roman with one last gentle kiss to the tip and moved up his body, stopping briefly at his nipples, until he’d reached Roman’s mouth. He kissed Roman deeply, their tongues twisting and twining and curling together, their breath moving in and out of each other’s lungs. Making love with Roman was incomparable to anything else Deniz had experienced, but nothing was so perfect as this; kissing Roman was something he could happily spend the rest of his life doing. Of all the things he’d missed about Roman during their brief eternity apart, this had been the worst. Roman’s taste, Roman’s breath, Roman’s mouth.

That thought brought them all surging back. He broke off the kiss abruptly and looked at Roman. All he could see was the way Roman had looked at the model, the way he’d sometimes looked at Marc early on, when he didn’t know Deniz was watching. And suddenly he couldn’t look at Roman anymore.

He pushed Roman down, forcing him roughly to his knees. He didn’t look down to see Roman’s reaction, simply waited. After a second he felt Roman’s mouth around him. Roman started in the teasing way that normally drove Deniz mad with pleasure and anticipation, but this time Deniz grabbed him by the hair and began to thrust, cutting off the rhythm of his foreplay. He could feel Roman’s trepidation and didn’t care. He knew he wasn’t going to choke Roman or even throw him off much, really. He simply wanted it this way, now. He closed his eyes and let the thoughts run their course as he pushed himself mercilessly into Roman’s mouth. It was all Roman and Marc, looking at each other while Deniz was oblivious; making love in Deniz and Roman’s bed when he was away, then sneaking off to do it elsewhere when he was back; laughing at Deniz as they continued to fool him. He knew most of it wasn’t true, knew that Roman had been torn apart by what he had done nearly as much as Deniz... but knowing didn’t stop it from haunting him.

Something very close to rage was building up in him now, something almost like terror. Whatever it was, he was as helpless to stop it as he was to stop his own heartbeat. All he could do was hold Roman’s head and try to fuck it away, try to push it into the back of Roman’s throat and make him swallow it until it was gone.

Roman dug his fingernails into the soft flesh just beneath Deniz’s buttocks, and the sensation sent him tumbling over the edge. He pushed himself into Roman as deep as he could, feeling himself unspool like ribbon, flow like tears. His fingers curled into Roman’s hair, clenching and pulling. It must have been painful, but Roman didn’t make a sound. Deniz’s back arched, his head brushing against the wall of the shower behind him. He could feel Roman’s throat working against the tip of his cock, whether gagging or swallowing he couldn’t tell.

Then it was over, and he slumped back against the wall, sliding free of Roman’s mouth, hands coming free of his hair. His knees would not support him and he slid slowly down the slickness of the wall. After a moment he was brought back to earth by panting quality of Roman’s breath. He opened his eyes.

Roman was still on his knees, sitting back on his heels. His erection was slowly softening, and looking down Deniz could see that Roman had climaxed as well. He could see no sign of his own orgasm, and knew that Roman had taken it in. Looking at Roman’s face he felt no small amount of shame… he had abused that mouth without a care, and Roman hadn’t complained. He'd simply taken it. Deniz reached a hand out and touched Roman’s face, running his thumb along Roman’s lips. Still breathing heavily, Roman took Deniz’s hand away from his mouth and held it on his lap.

***

Deniz glanced furtively at Roman as he ducked into his shirt. Roman was wrapped in a towel, sitting on the end of the bench and wringing a torrent of water out of his shirt. He glanced back at Deniz, catching him watching. Deniz looked away quickly.

He heard Roman digging through his bag, pulling out dry clothes. He sneaked another look at Roman, who was watching him. He tried to play it off with a smile, but it felt false as he again averted his eyes. He heard Roman sigh. “So what was that all about?”

Quickly, Deniz tried to come up with some casual, airy response. Everything he thought of sounded false. After a moment of racking his brain, he gave up. He became very still and suddenly found it easy to look at Roman. “I saw you today. Watching him.”

Roman frowned his confusion... then his face cleared. “The model. From Male Function.”

“Yeah,” Deniz said immediately, jumping on Roman's quick knowledge. “You couldn't take your eyes off him.”

Roman shrugged. “He was very pretty.” At Deniz's stony expression he hastily added, “not as pretty as you though.”

Deniz shook his head and turned to his locker, throwing his deodorant in too hard. He sensed Roman jump at the sound. He didn't move as Roman stood and walked to his side. “I was just looking. I do that, you know. Look. It doesn't mean anything.”

“I know,” Deniz conceded. “I know it doesn't mean anything. But it still...” He looked at Roman. “It scares me.” His heart ached as Roman's face fell, as the realization surfaced and became regret. But he continued. “I can't go through that again, Roman.” He heard his own voice thickening, felt the obstruction there trying to choke him. “I'm afraid you're going to hurt me again.”

Roman nodded, his eyes welling up. “I know you are. I would be too, in your place.” He touched Deniz's arm, just a fingertip, trailing it gently down to his hand before finally looking at him. “I wish I could promise you I'll never hurt you again. But I can't.” His own voice broke, but he kept on. “Any more than you can promise you'll never hurt me.”

Deniz turned his back to the locker and leaned against it, his eyes far away. “I thought I could just push it away. Let it go and just be happy with you. Mostly I can, but... it's always there, Roman. Always. You and Marc. I can't forget.”

Roman said nothing. Deniz wasn't sure if he even wanted him to say anything. Finally he looked at Roman's miserable face. “What if he came back?”

“It wouldn't matter,” Roman said without a thought. “What happened with Marc, it... it wasn't about you.”

Deniz scoffed and pushed away from the lockers, away from Roman.

“Really,” Roman shrugged. “Deniz, I'd just turned thirty.” He ignored Deniz's continued scoffing. “I'd just given up my career. I'd lost my first job in my _new_ career. I was being supported by my 21-year-old boyfriend, living in his father's flat until he _bought_ me a flat and then didn't understand why it upset me. Then Marc came into town and he was talking about this dream I'd given up years ago and reminding me what it was like to be twenty, and then Florian and my father... I didn't know which way was up and which was down. Nothing made sense anymore. I thought Marc was the only thing that did.”

Deniz looked at him, feeling something tighten in his chest.

“But I was wrong,” Roman said, looking at him fully. “I was wrong, Deniz. It was you. You were what made it all ok. But by the time I figured it out, it was too late. I couldn't fix it.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I can't ever fix it.”

Tightening in his chest, tightening, making it hard to breathe.

Roman moved slowly toward him. “But you need to know, Deniz... I love you. More than I've ever loved anyone in my life.”

Deniz looked at him. Tightening. “Me too,” he breathed.

“Is it enough?” Roman asked.

Tightening. “Is it enough for you?”

Slowly, Roman nodded. “I spent most of my life in a Deniz-free zone. I'd rather not go back there.”

Deniz laughed shakily, startling himself. He nodded his agreement and scratched absently above his ear. “I'm- sorry. About the shower.” He laughed again, humorlessly. “Next time I'm crippled with insecurities, I'll just talk to you about it.”

Roman smiled. “That would be better.”

Deniz returned his smile, and suddenly the tightness broke. He snatched Roman up in a panicky hug. “I love you,” he said shakily, moving his hands from Roman's back to his head to his neck to his back again.

“I love _you,_ ” Roman said in the same tone, arms tight around Deniz's neck.

They were both crying and laughing and clinging to each other with all their strength. And before long they were kissing again, fumbling to get the condoms out of Roman's gym bag, sweeping it off the bench to make room for their bodies. Roman sighed shakily above him as he lowered himself tightly onto Deniz, and this time when Deniz came Roman caught the cry in his mouth and turned it into a kiss. And as Roman's own cry filled his mouth, Deniz savored the taste and thought that, for now, it was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> (Originally posted on InsaneJournal.)  
> Omigod, Notoriouslyuniq, you pretty much own my soul at this point. Seriously you guys, BEST. BETA. EVAR.


End file.
